In the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004, I became a mom. I was 27 years old, had an okay career as an IT professional and had just ten months prior become a Mrs. Up until that moment, my life had taken a leap at light speed. Paul and I were engaged after dating for nine months and were married six months after that. Two weeks after our wedding, I found out I was pregnant.
Fast forward to that moment I held my daughter in my arms for the very first time. Life stopped. After having gone through so many changes in such a short period of time, this moment and many moments following seemed to be in slow motion. There was a complete sense of stillness and quiet when I would bundle her up and watch her sleep. For many months, she slept all night bundled up lying on my chest. I left my job in IT to stay home with her and those first days and months were calm. I was adjusting to being alone at home all day, being a new mom, nursing and taking care of the household. This was my world and these were now my responsibilities.
I was no longer beholden to a boss or a deadline. My main job was to care for the tiny being who now consumed all of my hours and most of my thoughts. Unfortunately she didn’t come with an instruction manual. Either that or it had gotten list in the mail or cursed to the SPAM filter. If there were things that I needed to know, I could look online and did, at times. Websites sent me weekly and monthly updates on what she should be doing right now – she should be crawling, walking, cooing, babbling, eating this much food, getting this much sleep. But how did they know what my baby should be doing this instant? When I’d look at those things they could either make me feel proud because she was ahead of the curve or make me completely anxious because she was behind and, God forbid, would that mean she’d be ok?!?!