I'm at a coffee shop sitting in the sunlight this afternoon. I'm wearing a shirt that says "Trust the Universe" and am reveling in a new commitment to practice expressing myself more fully. Over the last few days I have just recommitted to evaluating the small, quiet voice (or sometimes the loud, angry voice) that says all of the things that I wish I could say - things that I really want to say if I didn't always first worry about the being judged or hurting someone else's feelings.
Just as my shirt indicates, the Universe often provides. My seat in the sunshine comes with a price. There's a man a few seats down who has taken up two tables and is clearly conducting business in the coffee shop that is best saved for his cubicle. He's taking calls and droning on and on about numbers and plans and buzz words. All of the people around me are giving him the side eye. The words are on the tip of my tongue but I just can't make myself say, "Excuse me, are you going to continue talking on the phone? Because if that's the case, I will move." But the words are burning in my chest and get stuck in my throat.
Yes, this is the commitment I made to myself. To let the words come and relieve the feeling in my chest. Allow the words to hang in the air between us instead of getting stuck in my body.
As he packed up, it felt like a victory. Yes! He's leaving! But, it really wasn't a victory because I never opened my mouth. Once again, I paid the price. I am grateful to the Universe for today's opportunity and next time, I will be ready (hopefully).