Adapted from a Prometheus Homeopathic Institute newsletter
I sat down last night to watch the 2024 film, Nightbitch starring Amy Adams. Expecting a somewhat humorous, somewhat scary film about a woman who transforms into a dog at night, I was completely caught off guard.
This film is a raw, honest interpretation of the life of a stay at home mom, a topic that I’ve never seen covered in this detail on the big screen, or any screen for that matter. And I was immediately transported back to those first days, weeks and months of motherhood. As the credits rolled, I was awash in emotions: tears of pain, gratitude, and compassion for who I was and who I have become.
Before my first daughter was born, I was the IT Director at a small non-profit management firm in St. Paul. By age 27, I’d already had a successful career as a computer consultant, traveling weekly for work and working at some of the big consulting firms. I made decisions on hardware and software purchases, did website development and application development for both the firm and our clients. When I became pregnant and my belly continued to grow, I was excited to leave that world behind to focus on our daughter.
She came into the world on March 3rd, 2004. And the first month was the best. We had lots of visitors, family coming to help and best of all, my husband took that first month off. At that point, being a SAHM was pretty magical. We co-slept with our daughter so we all ended up getting plenty of sleep. The weather was warming up, the days were getting longer and we were able to get out and take walks together.
Eventually my husband had to go back to work and everyone else went back to their own lives. Except for me. This was my life now. There was no going back. I love my daughter dearly but she was so tricky. She wouldn’t take a bottle and took months and months to get accustomed to eating food so she was glued to me. I couldn’t put her down to nap because she’d wake up so many days found me rocking her to sleep in the rocking chair and then stretching to try and reach my book so I could do something while she slept on my chest.
Mostly, I was so alone.
And I didn’t recognize myself any more.
My body was different. I didn’t have anything to pursue. My drive, purpose and sense of accomplishment were gone. And I had chosen this life for myself. What had I done?
Homeopathy saved me.
I had met a homeopathic student when I was newly pregnant at a class I was taking. I had been curious about her training and asked her to tell me more about homeopathy. I had tucked that conversation away somewhere but something about it kept eating at me. At this point, I don’t exactly remember the order of events but essentially in the fall of 2004, I attended an info session for a local homeopathic school. I think I enrolled almost immediately following. Mind you, at this point, I had never seen a homeopath. I didn’t know what a remedy was or what form it took. But I knew that I had to do something.
I started homeopathy school in January 2005. And it was then that I began to find myself again. I had a purpose and an identity outside of nursing, naps and laundry. When my daughter was sleeping, I had an endless number of homeopathic books to read.
I had friends. I’d found my people. I found a career that would forever engage and intrigue me.
And a few short months after homeopathy school started, I finally got my chance to see a homeopath and learn what a remedy was. And what it could do. My first remedy was Sepia officinalis, which immediately helped my undiagnosed postpartum depression.
In the fall of 2004, when I enrolled in homeopathy school, I thought that I was attending in order to learn how to help people. (Which I did) What I realize now is that attending homeopathy school was really about helping me.
Before I could help others, I needed to find myself, reorient myself to who I was as a mother and settle in to my identity as a healer.
I never did end up transforming into a dog; my transformation was a bit more subtle.
Be loved,
Desirée
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